Boasting about the "What if's"

A new job begins today for my beloved.  A blessing?  That remains to be seen.  It's hard to say when there are so many what ifs.

We can't help but strategize with our limited human imaginations: "What if this new job keeps you from doing the part-time thing you've got going on the side...what if it isn't enough to pay the bills....what if the people there can get you a job at a department you REALLY want....what if taking this job means a better opportunity is passed up....what if this turns out to be so great we might want to move to be closer....what if this turns out to be a dead end and a total waste of time....what if....what if?"

I have never doubted that God would work all things out for good to us who love Him.  But there are so many twists and turns and decisions to be made along the way.  I have to force myself to resist asking God for answers to the "what if" questions.  It's not for me to know and I probably couldn't handle it anyway.  Life never makes sense when we're looking ahead or when we're in the middle of it.  It's only in hindsight that we can see the purpose in the pain.

I will also resist making up my mind what would be "best" for us.  A job here or a job there?  Or how about a job here for a year or two and then a job there.  And we won't be satisfied until the ultimate dream job becomes a reality.......right?  But this is the biggest "what if" of all: what if the thing we say we want the most is not really in God's plan for us at all? 

Jesus' brother, James, warns us of doing this in his book, James 4:13-15.  "Look here, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year.  We will do business there and make a profit.'  How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like a morning fog--it's here a little while , then it's gone.  What you ought to say is, 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.'  Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil."

Lord, help us not to waste this pain by boasting about our plans.  We do not pretend to know what's better for us than You do.  And we look with anticipation to the day when we will look back on this, a changed family, transformed by the pain--made better by it, making sense of the trial, and thanking You for it.

Casting Stones

You know the story...the woman is guilty.  Every one knows it.  They caught her sinning.  They're prepared to stone her; a practice so horrific, so barbaric, I can't even bear to imagine what it is really like.  But when they are told that anyone who hasn't sinned can cast the first stone, they walk away, one by one, beginning with the oldest, until every single person has left.

I've taught this story--more than once--during my years of teaching children's church.  I've also taught the one about not pointing out the splinter in another man's eye when you've got a plank in your own.  I read these scriptures and I nod my head, in complete agreement with Jesus' teachings about humility, honesty, and grace.  Yes, we should all be like this, I think to myself.

But it's a little more difficult to live by this truth when the person who has rained down chaos, uncertainty, and loss on your world is the same person you share your life with by day...and your bed by night.  When the voices in my head are screaming, "YOU did this!!  How could you put us in this position....AGAIN?!?!"  I can't say this out loud, of course.  My girls still need to respect their father...even though my DH, whom I choose to love in times of plenty AND in times of want, is not perfect. 

But I am reminded that he doesn't need to be.  I already have a bridegroom who is perfect.  He'll never disappoint me, never leave me, never forsake me, never let me down, never forget about me, never leave me hanging.  He is completely trustworthy. 

And He is all those things to my DH when I am the one to let him down.  Because one day I will.  I know this because 1 John 1:8 tells me, "If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth." 

So even though my ego and my pride are telling me that he deserves to "pay" with silent treatment and daggers in my eyes, and that I "deserve" to be angry, I will not be casting any stones.  Not only is that the LAST thing he needs right now, but I am the LAST person to be casting them.  Instead, I will root for him.  I will believe in him, in his goodness.  I will be humble and gentle; patient with him, making allowances for his faults because of my love (Ephesians 4:2).  With God's help...I will do these things.  And with God' grace, he will return these favors when it is my sin casting shadows over our lives.

Wisdom from Ecclesiastes

Lots of people don't like this book of the bible. I admit, it's kind of depressing.  Solomon, the wisest person to ever live, comes to the conclusion that everything in this life is meaningless, like chasing the wind.  Not exactly good news to those of us who are stuck here for a while, trying to make sense of our lives.  But there is a little nugget of wisdom buried in chapter 7, verse 13, that has become my life's verse: "Accept the way God does things for who can straighten what he has made crooked?"

This blog is my journey of acceptance of what God has made crooked.  If you, the reader, are honest, you'll admit that he's made your life crooked too.  The truth is that human beings, no matter what time they live in, no matter how much media they are exposed to, no matter how in tune they are with scripture, are fed a lie by the world about what will make them happy.  For some it's material wealth, educational or professional accomplishment, or relational peace.  It could be security, weight loss, Coach purses, marrying the right person, divorcing the wrong person...

Going about life, looking and seeming like everyone else.  Doesn't the world make you think that if you have that everything will be ok?

Well, it's a lie.  I can say that after having that kind of "happiness" for a while, thinking everything was ok, and realizing twice in the last three years what a fragile and completely false sense of security that was.  I had that "happiness" yanked away in heartbeat and have had to learn a very difficult lesson that the world we live in is harsh, unfair, untrustworthy, and broken.

Depressing?  Maybe.  Like King Solomon, I have no good news about this world.  All the job promotions and Coach purses are meaningless, like chasing the wind.  But there is something that we can put our hope in.  Something that will never let us down, something that is not of this world.  No, it's not fairy tales and wishful thinking.  I believe so strongly in the truth of a loving God who has plans for me--plans for good and not for disaster, plans to give me hope and a future--that I would die to defend these beliefs.

He tried to teach me this once about 3 years ago.  And now, I find myself on another painful journey to put my hope in things not of this world, of things unseen.  Join me.