Well, you don't seem to be freaking out!

Reactions to our news--that my husband at the age of 33 has enlisted in the Army--has run the gamut from from, "I'm so proud of you," to, "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into," (yeah, we haven't been thinking about what it means for us AT ALL).  But, "Well, you don't seem to be freaking out!" is by far my favorite.  I like it because it was spoken by a friend who knows exactly what military life is.  And the truth is, I'm NOT freaking out even though life as we knew it is pretty much over and hubby ships off in less than five months.

Most people who know us know what we've been through in the last three years or so.  Job loss, followed by the struggle to be grateful for crappy, undesirable, low-paying jobs, followed more job loss, etc.  It's been difficult.  Imagine in those three years getting more letters than can be counted that all begin with the following statement: "Thank you for your interest in (fill-in-the-blank) law enforcement agency.  We've selected a more desirable/qualified candidate."  Over and over and over.  A never-ending stream.  What they're basically saying is, "We don't want you (even though you tested really well).  You have baggage (even though we all have if we're honest with ourselves).  We believe we will regret hiring you (even though you could bring with you a vast amount of training and experience).  We know your old bosses and what they say is far more influential than anything you've got to say to redeem yourself."  Ouch.

Now imagine that you are sitting in the Army recruiter's office.  It may seem like a move of desperation to some but the truth is, you are kind of excited about it.  Some guys are just meant to do this kind of work.  There's just one problem.  There are no jobs available.  The military really isn't beating down anyone's door to join up because "the war is over" and all that, I guess (does anyone really believe that?).  But the seargants you are working with are determined to get you in because they see something in you, or because your test scores are really high, or because they felt some unexplainable nudge from above, or because you brought them Slivinski's donuts at 7am, or whatever.  The point is THEY WANT YOU. 

They want you so bad they are willing to make a call and subvert the system and manually input the job you really wanted to begin with but were told it wasn't likely you could get because the availability of jobs is so limited.

Now, I'm not an empathetic person by nature but...wouldn't that just turn your whole world around?! 

I'm still too busy being ecstatically happy for my husband to bother with freaking out.  I'm not sitting here in blissful unawareness that the future will indeed hold many challenges and trials for our family.  I'm already trying to figure out how to live in the tension of security (steady job, healthcare, housing, etc.) mixed with the insecurity of not knowing where we will be living a year from now.

But I'm not scared.  I'm not sad.  I'm definitely not freaking out.  I have even entertained the notion that perhaps the difficult and crooked path we have been on for the last three years has been sifting away the chaff of materialism, needing a false sense security to feel safe, hanging on to things I need to let go of, and thinking the wrong things are important.  I am ready for this adventure.  I am prepared as much as my limited knowledge of the future can allow me to be.

This next chapter is going to be very interesting.....