The Big "D": The day after good-bye

26 March

My husband is safely on the ground on the other side of the world so I thought I would share some of the things we did to make our family ready for this part of our Army adventure.

1. I spoiled my husband. Whether it was sex, food, a new play station vita, taking a weekend away...if he wanted it, he pretty much got it. We didn't have this "It's my last meal," doom and gloom mindset. I just wanted him to really enjoy his last few weeks at home. We ate a lot of good old American junk food, watched a lot of movies, took a couple of days to go to the beach and eat ice cream with the kids, simple pleasures. No big vacations or spending sprees. Not enough money for that and not enough time, to be honest. When your turn comes, you'll find that there is so much last minute stuff he has to be around for that really seems to drag on and on and on that taking a week long Disney vacation (or whatever) is just not possible. We will save that for when he gets back.

2. I did NOT spoil my girls (4, 7, and 9). We had to wait until nearly the last minute to drop the bomb on them because we didn't know for sure ourselves and I didn't want to burden them with, "well, Daddy might go in a couple of weeks, or he might go later this summer." We just didn't say anything to them until we were sure. I had been dropping little hints here and there that it would be our turn some day. By the time we told them the news, it wasn't a big shock to them. When the time came, we gave them some time to cry and cuddle with him. And then we told them that this wasn't the end of the world and he would be back soon so don't spend the next 10 days being sad and weepy, please.
One of my daughters was especially broken up about the fact that Daddy will miss her birthday AGAIN. So we splurged on an ice cream cake from DQ and had a very, very un-birthday for her last Sunday.
One huge blessing is having them in on-post schools. Half of their class has a mom or dad deployed so it's sort of normal now and their teachers have been amazing.

3. We got wills done at the JAG office (which was free and totally painless, by the way) and we made sure I would be able to handle financial stuff on my own, which basically means my husband set everything up for automatic bill pay because I hate being responsible for paying bills, and he made sure I had all the passwords.

4. The countdown board.

Some people don't do this because it makes the days drag on, and it does seem in the beginning that there are so many it will never end. But it's worth it to me beause at the end, I feel this huge sense of accomplishment. Seeing that big empty board is so rewarding! We do not have an exact homecoming date but my kids are old enough to understand if we have to add a few back on toward the end. I took a picture of each child with Daddy and stuck it to the board, and hung it low on the wall so they can look at it and participate in taking the ribbons off each day. I also gave my girls a copy of their picture with him and they are free to sleep with it, carry it around, take it to school, whatever. I'll just print off a new one when it gets ruined.

5. We turned my husband's phone off. It broke my heart to get a text message from t-mobile the day after he left that his phone was no longer in service but he had been advised by others in his unit to just go ahead and turn it off because it would be a nightmare to accidentally receive a call or a text message while over there. He still took his phone with him to use as a camera and a wifi connector and he also has his laptop and his psv so he has lots of ways to skype and FB message. Which we did last night. And it was awesome.

6. We prayed. A lot. And had lots and lots of people praying for us. I do devotions with my girls every morning and wouldn't ya know it, but practially every single one on the days leading up to the big "D" could be applied to us and what we were going through. This gave us an immeasurable amount of peace about it. If you are not a praying person but find yourself gearing up for deployment, this would be a great time to start. The bible has so much to say about anxiety, and worry, and going through difficult things, and waiting, and accepting life's twists and turns, and having peace when your world is going crazy, and not complaining about your situation, and protection, and how God fights for you....I just can not imagine navigating this whole thing without it.

7. I kept my mind on things that would happen after my husband left. It was hard. I wanted to devote all of my energy to saying good-bye and preparing him and being there for him and my kids. But I didn't want the big day to arrive, drive back to an empty house, and sit there wondering, "Now what do I do?" This may sound simplistic but physchologically, it was important: I got ingredients for chocolate chip cookies when I went to the commissary last week even though I knew I wouldn't be making them while my husband was still home. There they sit in the pantry, begging to be used. BECAUSE LIFE HAS TO GO ON. I have a friend coming up from FL to visit me today, which I had to clean the house for. My in-laws are flying in next weekend, so I have to plan fun things do to while they are here. I'm planning a trip home this summer, I'm writing a lot, I'm working on a Christmas stocking for my youngest daughter, I'm helping my older girls plan a sleepover. Just living and working and planning and trying to enjoy life.

8. Friends. I just got here two months ago and haven't had much time for making friends but the few I have are worth their weight in gold. I have met women from this site, from FB page, moms of kids at school my girls are friends with, a bible study I go to. There are lots of ways to be out in the world, meeting people, and you can't stay holed up in your house the entire time, as much as you might feel like it some days. Having another human being who knows you and knows what you're going through is invaluable. I always tried to be the mom/woman who had "it" together...you know, I always tried to be on time, have my girls neat and well-behaved, know what was going on in school or church, etc. But apparently, God wanted me to be the mom/woman who is a wreck and needs the help and support of others because I have found myself relying so much on friends and family over the past few years. All I can do is let this time in my life mature me and grow me so that I can be the one to help someone else down the road.

Anyway, that's been my experience so far. I can't really speak to the logistical side of things because my husband's unit was already gone when we got here so I missed all the deployment fairs and FRG meetings. But we survived saying good-bye and seem to be holding it together pretty well.

I know for some of you, deployment is your greatest fear, and I thought it might be helpful to tell you, like I told my kids, it's really not the end of the world. You'll be ok because you HAVE to be ok. If you treat it like it's the worst thing that could possibly happen and you fill your imagination with thoughts of him dying or worse, you're going to have a really tough time. But it doesn't have to be like that. Seriously, it doesn't.